Men Observing Men

"Yet is every man observed by any man"  - Lisa Robertson, The Men


I AM A VERY PRODUCTIVE ENTREPRENEUR - Mathias Svalina


I started this one business that hires out strong, rugged young men to watch other men do work.


I hire them out by the dozen & they are quiet but clearly appreciative of the work they watch.  The men are all strong with thick shoulders & coarse, attractive faces; They all have the kind of skin that when you see it in a photograph you touch your own face absentmindedly.  They all have a certain smell to them, of sweet tire rubber.  They all stand with their weight on one leg so that their hips angle.


The men all nod slightly when you pass by them in a way that assures you they understand how you feel & they have worked hard just as you are working hard & that as they watch you work they can feel the strength growing out of their forearms, like sleek seabirds.  The men all have scales growing on their legs like cold, smooth, black snakes.


The men all have wings & and ram's horns & long necks like giraffes and marsupial pouches & the ability to turn their heads 360 degrees & the ability to sign their parents' names perfectly on official forms from their elementary schools & retractable claws & nan instinct to hoard.


The men work 10-hour days & when they sleep they fold themselves up into small rectangles the size of carry-on luggage & a handle appears in order to easily move the men into storage.  The men require a 45-minute lunch break & two 10-minute breaks.  The men all have cute dimples and egg teeth.


The men attract everyone's attention when they walk into a room & for the remainder of their time in a room everyone else is unconsciously aware of where the men are.


The men have the bodies of horses.  The men have the heads of lions & the wings of gigantic dragonflies. There is nothing overtly homosexual about the men's behavior, yet both men & women find themselves ambiently aroused by them.


Men want to know that other men can see them working; They want each drop of sweat monitored.  Men like to have a dozen men transforming into animals behind them while they hand drywall.  Men like to close their eyes when they cross the streets & feel the wind of passing buses flap the cuffs of their pants (32-33).

Hello everyone!

I've talked to a couple of you about Walkabout, but for those of you that I haven't talked to here's this.

I know a lot of you guys do your own writing. If you do, you should submit to Walkabout. We're the undergraduate creative arts journal. We accept fiction, poetry and artwork. It's a great way to get some publishing experience and also have your writing featured for everyone to read.

Submit to: walkabout@colorado.edu

We also have a facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Walkabout-Creative-Arts-Journal/101556626619062

It will say the deadline is Oct. 31, but it's not anymore. The new deadline is NOV. 30.

We would love to have all of your submissions. I get the feeling that all of your writing is going to be great.

Thanks,

-Stephen

The SRY gene

Hey guys sorry to post late.

I have been giving the “sex is a construction” issue some thought and I think I may have a way of investigating this proposal. As Sara pointed out in thursday's class, it’s amazing how all of the seemingly random classes we take have overlap. In my general biology class we were just going over genetics and chromosomal inheritance. We talked about what it is that makes someone a male or a female.

As we already know, physical body parts are not necessary to make someone male or female. We wouldn’t call a man who suffered from testicular cancer and had to have something removed not a “male”. Similarly we wouldn’t call a woman with a prosthesis not an actual “woman”. It seems then, when we label someone a man or a woman, we are actually referring to something in relation to DNA and chromosomes. (or as Butler proposes we are only referring to a societal construction, but let's put that aside for now). I’m sure many of you have heard the often used XX or XY chromosomes when determining sex (XX for female, XY for male). But my biology teacher brought up the fact that that may not be a necessary condition for sex either.

I’ll do my best to explain this simply. When we create cells for the purpose of passing them down via sexual reproduction, they are without a pair, carrying half the usual number of chromosomes (haploid). In other words a female will produce two eggs one X and the other X, but not XX together. In males, two sperm will be separated into one X and one Y. As my teacher says, the Y haploid determines if the egg will be male or not. In reproduction, either the X from the father will combine with the from the X mother, making a daughter or the Y from the father will combine with the X from the mother to make a son. Where this becomes interesting is before the XX turns into X and X, and before XY turns into X and Y prior to reproduction. To promote variation, the XY, in males, will swap genetic material before separation. So before a cell becomes Y on its own, it has parts of the X gene inside of it.

Typically, there is a part of the Y chromosome that does not “swap” genetic information with the X. Geneticists call that area the “sex-determining region of the Y chromosome”. I said before that the “Y” cell is what will make the fetus a male or female, but what is it exactly that makes it so? And what if that part of the Y swapped with the X and made a XX male, or if the Y lost that part and made a XY female?

Geneticists call the specific gene that causes male genitalia the SRY. And usually the SRY will not cross over into the X before being passed down. Key word: usually. About one in ever 20,000 fetuses have this “genetic mutation”. Although very rare, this will cause the person to have either XX SRY+, some “female” traits with male genitalia or XY SRY-, some “male” traits with female genitalia. This is what is known as inter-sexed.

So it seems that XX and XY chromosomes are not necessary for sex-determination either. However it is extremely rare. What do you guys think of this? Are the occasional genetic variations enough to say that sex is a construction?

I asked what other genes are not usually “swapped” from the Y chromosome. My teacher said he wasn’t sure, but things we “usually associate with male traits”.

I’d love to know what those traits are. Do you think that if we were to know exactly the traits that are usually associated with only the Y chromosome, that would be helpful?

It might help us see which traits are tied to “biological reasons” and which traits are purely a product of the environment.

A wiki article on SRY: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SRY

Topless Protesters at Occupy Wall Street

So, I meant to post this as a comment to Sosi's "Fashion/Feminism" post, but I am no good on the computer. Anyway, I felt this video was interesting in light of the earlier conversation about "slut walks," and also interesting along the lines of how clothing seems to unavoidably speak for women, in a much more pronounced way than for men. I have been attending the Occupy Denver meetings and rallies and trying via youtube to follow the occupy movements in other cities as well. Because of this class I have been viewing some of the events through a feminist lens. There have been no topless protesters that I have seen in Denver, but there are definitely women who use their dress (not necessarily in a feminine way) to draw attention and make themselves heard. They usually are successful in drawing attention. One of the topless women in this video is holding a sign that says "I didn't say look I said listen" (you can see it briefly if you pause the video at 1:41) Despite having stated that I do not entirely see the "slut walks" as advantaging the feminist movement's struggle, my initial impression during this video was very different. I think it had much to do with the fact that the Occupy movement is not specifically about women. Part of me feels that situationally speaking I don't have a problem with women exploiting the attention thats paid to their bodies for a larger cause. On some level, I feel I participate in this as well with my choice of dress when I go to the rallies and meetings (No, I don't go topless!). While dressing I'm invariably considering how my presentation will affect how people will perceive both me and whatever have to say. I think that's unavoidable, and if I dress more nicely I have found that my voice is more frequently solicited and subsequently heard. It's hard to think what might be the more ethical choice: dressing to make your voice heard or try be heard in another way (and can you even avoid this). I see the topless woman holding the "I didn't say look I said listen" sign as the logical extreme of exploiting the attention paid to women in order to be heard: at some point it looks ridiculous, but is there a gradient to this?

Fashion trends (to illustrate my comment on Sosi's post)

Boyfriend Jeans/Collared shirts

The Meat Dress

The Power Suit

Fashion/Feminism

Hello all,

Sorry for the delay on this post. I've been taking a class on fashion in literature, and lateley we've been reading a lot of theory that relates to fashion in gender. In particular, i've just read an essay by Eduard Fuchs on Bourgeois Dress, and was wondering how you all felt about a couple of things. Long story short, Fuchs has paralleled the change of our society from the ancien regime to a bourgeois functioning class with the oppression of women by pointing out that the "Bourgeois culture is an altogether male culture; its entire orientation is toward production and creative drive...The man sets the tone and indeed reigns supreme....Consequently, men's clothing had to become just as masculine as women's clothing had once been feminine". Thus, the culture we subscribe to has allowed the man to become a productive contributor to our society, while the more slowly evolving dress of the female has forced her to remain an object to be looked at. In order to be set apart from the rest of society, the woman must dress herself differently, whether that entails bringing more focus to the body, or simply being of a higher class that is ahead of the fashion curve. Additionally, Fuchs points out that originally the Bourgeois woman was, "foremost mother, housewife, and companion". This article made me think about the slut walk, and woman's choice to dress herself according to modern fashion, or by displaying her body in a sexual way. I was hoping we could continue the conversation of the woman's body in society today, and what you think it does to detract or contribute to a feminist struggle.

Women in Society

Hey guys!

I know I'm posting a little late so I wanted to give you guys a couple options to consider so that hopefully everyone feels like there's something to respond to:

1.) So below is an INCREDIBLE poem by June Jordan. She is an African-American poet that was featured in a documentary we watched in my ethnic studies class. I was hoping to find a video of the poem because I think it's such a powerful poem to hear (in the documentary she was reading it herself which was so cool) but I couldn't find one so instead I just posted it below. It's kinda long but if you can push through it, she has a very powerful message to share that I think ties in nicely with the class.

Poem About My Rights by June Jordan

Even tonight and I need to take a walk and clear

my head about this poem about why I can't

go out without changing my clothes my shoes

my body posture my gender identity my age

my status as a woman alone in the evening

alone on the streets

alone not being the point

the point being that I can't do what I want

to do with my own body because I am the wrong

sex the wrong age the wrong skin and

suppose it was not here in the city but down on the beach

or far into the woods and I wanted to go

there by myself thinking about God

or thinking

about children or thinking about the world

all of it

disclosed by the stars and the silence:

I could not go and I could not think and I could not

stay there

alone

as I need to be

alone because I can't do what I want to do with my own

body and

who in the hell set things up

like this

and in France they say if the guy penetrates

but does not ejaculate then he did not rape me

and if after stabbing him after screams if

after begging the bastard and if even after smashing

a hammer to his head if even after that if he

and his buddies fuck me after that

then I consented and there was

no rape because finally you understand finally

they fucked me over because I was wrong I was

wrong again to be me being me where I was

wrong

to be who I am

which is exactly like South Africa

penetrating into Namibia penetrating into

Angola and does that mean I mean how do you know if

Pretoria ejaculates what will the evidence look like the

proof of the monster jackboot ejaculation on Blackland

and if

after Namibia and if after Angola and if after Zimbabwe

and if after all of my kinsmen and women resist even to

self-immolation of the villages and if after that

we lose nevertheless what will the big boys say will they

claim my consent:

Do You Follow Me: We are the wrong people of

the wrong skin on the wrong continent and what

in the hell is everybody being reasonable about

and according to the Times this week

back in 1966 the C.I.A. decided that they had this problem

and the problem was a man named Nkrumah so they

killed him and before that it was Patrice Lumumba

and before that it was my father on the campus

of my Ivy League school and my father afraid

to walk into the cafeteria because he said he

was wrong the wrong age the wrong skin the wrong

gender identity and he was paying my tuition and

before that

it was my father saying I was wrong saying that

I should have been a boy because he wanted one

a boy and that I should have been lighter skinned and

that I should have had straighter hair and that

I should not be so boy crazy but instead I should

just be one

a boy and before that

it was my mother pleading plastic surgery for

my nose and braces for my teeth and telling me

to let the books loose to let them loose in other

words

I am very familiar with the problems of the C.I.A.

and the problems of South Africa and the problems

of Exxon Corporation and the problems of white

America in general and the problems of the teachers

and the preachers and the F.B.I. and the social

workers and my particular Mom and Dad

I am very

familiar with the problems because the problems

turn out to be

me

I am the history of rape

I am the history of the rejection of who I am

I am the history of the terrorized incarceration of my self

I am the history of battery assault and limitless

armies against whatever I want to do with my mind

and my body and my soul and

whether it's about walking out at night

or whether it's about the love that I feel or

whether it's about the sanctity of my vagina or

the sanctity of my national boundaries

or the sanctity of my leaders or the sanctity

of each and every desire

that I know from my personal and idiosyncratic

and disputably single and singular heart

I have been raped

because I have been wrong the wrong sex the wrong age

the wrong skin the wrong nose the wrong hair the

wrong need the wrong dream the wrong geographic

the wrong sartorial I

I have been the meaning of rape

I have been the problem everyone seeks to

eliminate by forced

penetration with or without the evidence of slime and

but let this be unmistakable this poem

is not consent I do not consent

to my mother to my father to the teachers to

the F.B.I. to South Africa to Bedford-Stuy

to Park Avenue to American Airlines to the hardon

idlers on the corners to the sneaky creeps in

cars

I am not wrong: Wrong is not my name

My name is my own my own my own

and I can't tell you who the hell set things up like this

but I can tell you that from now on my resistance

my simple and daily and nightly self-determination

may very well cost you your life

2.) I found this article somehow and I thought it also provided very interesting commentary regarding social "norms" and gender roles that are prevalent even in our society today. I wasn't sure how I felt about this author's colloquial tone though. I couldn't decide if it made the poem easier to read and connected the reader with the author of if it made the piece too unprofessional to be taken seriously and gave it more of a mocking tone. Thoughts? (the link is listed below)

http://thecurrentconscience.com/blog/2011/09/12/a-message-to-women-from-a-man-you-are-not-“crazy”/

Dr. Pepper 10

http://www.good.is/post/paint-it-black-dr-pepper-ten-and-marketing-masculinity-through-color/

Please check out this article. It really surprised me, although I do not think it should have. 

An Extension of Butler

Hello Everyone, below is a link that will lead you to an essay written by Butler on Foucault. I hope you all find it interesting in the context of what we've been discussing in class!

http://eipcp.net/transversal/0806/butler/en

In my Philosophy and Society class, we have been discussing an interesting political philosopher named, Emma Goldman.

Like, Firestone, she calls for radical political uprising in order to fix the sexist (among many other) issues of culture. But instead of taking it from a materialist, Marxist perspective, she looks at the issue from an Anarchist's perspective. She thinks that all hierarchal systems are oppressive and inherently carry with them oppressive domination of many different forms, including the oppression of women.

Here's a link about her interesting life: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Goldman

I couldn't find any essays she has written on women's oppressions specifically. But here is link to an essay to get a feel for her philosophy: http://sunsite.berkeley.edu/goldman/Writings/Anarchism/anarchism.html

A little story about "gender confusion".

Our past class discussions I’ve been thinking a lot about the importance of gender to identity and that endless argument whether its biological or a social construction. Not to mention how our language limits our perception of sex and gender Our world of binaries has given us “male” and “female” …but now we’re finding so much in between. I’m sure there’s a societal factor, but there still seems to be a lot that goes unexplained.

Furthermore, this has made me wonder about what the transgender community and what they might say about gender being a social construction. How could that be when they feel so strongly about their gender and their identity so as to surgically alter their physical bodies? I truly believe there is something inherent in that. And it’s not just gender, there is a lot about human nature that goes unexplained but we say it is learned. For example, when you think about certain personality traits –there’s only a certain extent to which you can really choose isn’t there?

This brings me back to what I’ve experienced in my own life. When I was growing up I never had any issues of what society would deem as “gender confusion”, I chose to play with dolls and wore the same pink dress for nearly a year. 7years later I got twin baby sisters that I thought would keep barbies in the house for another ten years.

However, that was not the case. From what I saw, there was nothing “socially constructed” about it. These girls knew exactly what they wanted from the moment they could talk and it was “boy” everything. Trying to put them in a dress made them scream and shout so loud it bordered on child abuse. As they got older they were full-fledged tomboys from their clothes (they wore boxers and topless swim trunks to the pool until well, they had to wear a tshirt too), the games they liked, all their friends were boys, they played on the boys soccer team and it was to the point that they preferred if we called them boys. My parents began to wonder if they should start saving for a pair of sex-change operations.

However, as it turns out, none was needed. Looking back now, it was a very interesting thing to watch—watching everyone try to figure them out or watch their joy in tricking people that called them boys. None of it seemed like a reaction to some socially constructed or environmental factor. It was just as inherent as their stubbornness and straight hair. My mom thought it had to do with the drugs the doctors gave her when she went into labor (she wanted all natural but they were 3 months premature), my dad thought they just might be gay, and my 7 yr old brain thought it was because I had secretly wished for a brother and someone got the order mixed up.

And although this was one of the most extreme and prolonged tomboy phases I’ve ever witnessed, it eventually faded into their own uniqueness that kind of transcended the label of “tomboy”. They are probably the most unique and daring people I’ve ever known and will never be "normal" by societal standards.

I don’t know where they got it from (it's not genetic) but it’s definitely not something someone can just choose to be. So, this kind of leaves me back where I started with no answers. However, now with all we’ve read and discussed in class it makes me think about how ridiculous it is to try to explain a person (especially) children, with only one of two categories. From such a young age it seems that gender is inflicted as a large part of our identities--I guess we don't know much else about our selves at that point--but I think it’s that pressure that made them feel like they should be boys in the first place. This identifier wasn’t really who they were, but if the things they like to do or wear are all things for “boys” where does that leave them?

If gender is basically divided by pink and blue, what's a girl to do if she likes blue? Is she conflicted with some kind of gender identity disorder? Or could it be those binaries just complicating things again with their limiting categories and words and associations and social constructions.

Ellen Welcker THE BOTANICAL GARDEN

I recently finished Ellen Welcker's first book of poetry, The Botanical Garden (2010), published by Astrophil Press.  The book contains two poems:  "The Botanical Garden," which spans 63 of the 65 total pages, and "a map, my loves, I am drawing it by heart."  On a larger scale, the book presents several socio-political themes that form into a narrative-based social commentary (not to be confused with a satire).  The Botanical Garden presents these problems outright, without any illusion as to why or how they are actually a problem, and without a hint of sarcasm.  One of these conflicts Welcker presents in the book is immigration and emigration.  In light of this theme, “walls” and “barriers” become predominating images in the poem.  Immigrants literally “float” across these borders (again in a sort of hybrid human-animal way), and in their various forms find themselves in a “No-space” between countries, cities, and refuge.  This tension is imperative throughout the book, juxtaposing Welcker’s ideas of fluidity with society's anti-ideas of such.  In the world today, each person has an “I”dentity in relation to their “place” of residence.  Welcker presents The Botanical Garden as a critical commentary on that social structure, literally stating that the art of floating between the cultures, peoples, and biological species of our world is the opportune existence in which one can attain a broader and more respectable knowledge.  She ends The Botanical Garden in this fluid mindset, stating:

How sound carries in water.  How nothing dies in water.  How a particle or a being or a sound is held there, suspended, its vibration going on and on and on.

I read this book in the mindset of third-wave feminism, and certainly, feminism today addresses many of the same issues of human rights that The Botanical Garden does.  Though the book is not predominantly "feminist," it does argue for a fluid idea of gender, race, and species that reflects many of the ideas that third wave feminists are so adamant about.  One controversial idea that is being acknowledged in the book is the idea of the dissolution of borders.  Though these borders appear as boundaries between countries, with immigrants floating in the margins and in and out of these countries, the borders lend themselves to larger social borders that Welcker argues must also be broken down.  Social barriers like gender, sexuality, and race are dissolved in Welcker's ideas of a new social order--one in which individuals find their personal identity not in relation to their location or gender or color of skin, but rather in relation to their own fundamental self.

Premiering this week:

Miss Representation 8 min. Trailer 8/23/11 from Miss Representation on Vimeo.

Someone brought this trailer to my attention this week. It reminded me of the statistics that Julie shared with us on the first day of class, and it ties in nicely with some of our blog conversations so far so I decided to share it with y'all. It seems a bit simplistic after all of the theory we've been reading, but I guess that's part and parcel of the "trickle down" theory of intellectual ideas. I do, however, think it's a shame that the Oprah Winfrey Network acquired its broadcast rights since that will probably severely limit the number of viewers. For more info, you can check out missrepresentation.org.

Hannah Weiner PDF

http://www.mediafire.com/?db1hn7fda5y97vl

So, I was asked to put together a collection of Weiner for y'all. I had trouble discriminating between all this great work, so I ended up scanning like 26 pages. You don't have to read it all, but I suggest you do. If you only read one entire poem, read "Sixteen" (page 5 of pdf., page 107 of book).

It's really fun reading though, very demanding and fast paced.

Slut Walk

Okay, so 'SlutWalk' is a march where participants protest against explaining or excusing rape by referring to any aspect of a woman's appearance. This march is mainly done by young women, where some dress in ordinary clothing and others dress provocatively, like "sluts." Women do this to combat the myth of the "slut" and the myth that suggests, "she was asking for it."


The rallies began when Constable Michael Sanguinetti, a Toronto Police officer, suggested that to remain safe, "women should avoid dressing like sluts"--(protect and serve, right?)

When I found out a police officer said this I was so shocked. I, personally, think this is such an empowering form of activism because of the message. I am interested in what you guys think, though. Do you think dressing up is empowering or takes away from the message? ect.


Here are some more pictures of the SlutWalk Chicago that you should check out on flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/saumacus/5800330948/in/photostream/

Also, keep in mind...this happened last spring and women all over the world (in India even!) have organized these marches in protest. It is phenomenal how fast the movement has spread.

Just a bit of a warning. This video has inappropriate and crass content if that doesn't sit well with anyone. (not that you don't hear anything like this on a day out in campus!)

Louis CK is a very funny comedian that I respect and whose work I've enjoyed. But since taking this class, I've had a lot of reconsideration of the work of stand-up comedians in general. I used to be of the opinion that stand-up comedians were doing something of a service to culture. Comedians satirize topics that everyone else is too uncomfortable talking about. They bring to light insights and truths (however disturbing they may be) in order to put "taboo" topics into dialogue within society.

Louis CK along with many other comedians frequently speak about differences in genders. I used to think them to be quite brilliant in that they spoke honestly and their trenchant observances on gender helped to bring opposing genders to a mutual understanding with one another. Of course, any notion of genders being inherent to individuals has all but been thrown off since going through our class.

I've come to realize that comedians might be doing harm. That instead of weeding ourselves away from the kind of binary, gendered thinking, that they are reinforcing it on a much deeper ideological level.

Think about if this video was prefaced "this is how society expects little girls and boys to be...." instead of how it is. It would be an quite an inditement of the present state of expectations on children.

Many comedians are very intelligent and quick witted. I think that they very accurately pinpoint and articulate some of the deep-seated pathologies that underly society's actions. However I think that in this case, as with a lot of others, they identify the expectations of gender, but misidentify those insights as how genders are essentially or inherently.

To take an opposite stance, what do I know about any of these things? Louis CK is a father. I've never had children and never had to raise children. He is drawing from his personal experiences as person who has lived much longer than me and had to have gone through the struggles of parenthood. What do you all think about this? Is this video reinforcing gender stereotypes? Is there something larger at play here that I did not touch on? And as a bigger question, in what way does the readings and discussions we have qualify us to make such statements as the ones that I have made?

Ducks

A couple of us saw this shirt from a friend at Innisfree and thought it was extremely relatable to the Judith Butler reading. First of all, this photo can be related to notions of constructed gender and sex because the duck is sitting in a duck floatie, which can represent its own performance of identity. Or, it can relate to the concept of sex being just as constructed as gender-a facade if you will. Overall, both of these ducks can be seen as two constructions.

What do you guys think?

venus & olympia.

these are the two paintings i was talking about the other day.

olympia - manet




venus of urbino - titian

PIP Blog.

http://pippoetry.blogspot.com/

Blog published by Green Integer. Pretty cool archive of contemporary poetry to browse through. They also publish a ton of stuff online which you may not find in books.

pronouns

relevant article in today's NY Times - though I think it really misses the point - making gender identity into a kind of "lifestyle thing" for kids. But worth seeing how non-normative gender is now part of the national conversation (sure wasn't when I was your age).

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/02/fashion/choosing-a-pronoun-he-she-or-other-after-curfew.html?_r=1&emc=eta1

If the link doesn't work, just go to the NYT website and search "choosing a pronoun"

Also, I'm hoping many of you will respond to the post about motherhood and work. I, of course, have tons to say on this subject, but will hold me tongue entirely. We'll be tackling this subject when we read Bernadette Mayer soon.

Julie

Mom Time

I was involved in a very interesting discussion on women, motherhood and feminism this weekend that I thought I would share with the class.

On Saturday morning Sara F. and I went to brunch with our moms (yay parents weekend! yay moms!). As people usually do when they first meet, our mothers spent some time sharing what they have done in their lives—where they are from, what they do for a living, when they had kids, etc. Not surprisingly, we got onto the subject of motherhood, of methods of raising children in today’s society. In my experience, it is fascinating to hear mothers discuss this because everyone has such strong ideas—truly fundamental to whom they are—about what it means to be a mother. Our mothers were discussing the idea of having a career/being a housewife, of staying home with children/pursuing their dreams in business, art, the working world, etc. My own mother had me when she was 25 and my brother when she was 27. She stayed home with us through elementary school. She has a Masters in business and a BA in fashion design, but waited (for the most part, apart from smaller business ventures) to start her own company until we were in high school. Sara’s mom initially balanced working and raising kids until her kids were in high school, when she had the opportunity to have raising her kids as her primary “job.” In some ways, our mothers have had opposite experiences. What is really interesting and common between them is that they both agree that motherhood is the most important job that one can have (they both explicitly said this). They both agree that having a husband who values one’s role as a mother is extremely important. When my own mom decided to stay home with kids, she was subject to criticism from many of her friends for not pursuing a “career.” Both of our moms agree that such criticism has become a huge problem in society. Because so many people do not see motherhood as a valuable, full-time job, women are expected to have another full-time job and raise kids on the side. Sometimes, this is just a financial necessity. But in their experience, it is not always the best way to do things. Women cannot really be expected to be mothers AND full-time workers and do both things well. Our mothers were saying that one is lucky to have a husband that either contributes equally to the household and to parenting, or values their own primary contribution as valuable and necessary.

It was so interesting to have this conversation as it made a lot of the theory tangible. I made me re-consider some of what we have been discussing (especially Friedan). It was fascinating to hear what these women/mothers think about feminism and how the ways we view women, men and responsibility have changed, for good and bad.

I would love to hear other people’s thoughts/experiences with their own mothers. What is motherhood? What is parenting? How does this work in our society today? How should it look/be looked at?